Imposter Syndrome
Ever catch yourself day dreaming about something and then a little voice pops in to chirp at you and tell you to quiet down with those dreams? Who are you to dream big anyway?
We all do it. The thought comes in — excitement starts rolling — and then SCREECH - in runs the little shadowy dark voices (you're not so friendly saboteurs) chiming in to tell you why you can’t. Why you’re not good enough. Smart enough. Brave enough. It’s typically a measure of enough — right? So, what do you do? You listen, god dammit. That voice must know you, right? It came in so hot to make sure you knew what’s up. It sounded a hell of a lot more confident than you do right now. So, you retreat back into your safety and comfort of what’s known. It’s warm there. And no one’s yelling at you. And so there you stay.
I want to be clear that if you’re feeling some version of this, it didn’t come your way by accident. The system has created this. The expectations of people are higher than ever. Competition is on the rise. We are expected to work harder, make more, do more, and be the best. You’ve seen it play out: an org of VPs and higher-ups never showing their true cards, always available, put together and polished in every meeting, setting an unrealistic expectation that frankly even they cannot meet. Behind closed doors they too probably feel this. It’s what propels us into the state of outward perfectionism.
Imposter syndrome is defined as: “when someone doubts their own skills and successes, and fears that others will eventually realize this.”
But here’s the thing — there’s actually quite a few different kinds of imposter syndrome. It’s not a one size fits all. Some of us experience it because we’re perfectionists and will never feel good enough, despite how hard we work. Some of us experience it because we’re still working on building the skills necessary to thrive in our existing roles, and some of us experience it because… we’re meant it. The sneaky little voice is actually chiming in to tell you something important [read on, I’ll explain].
Imposter syndrome is not something you have, it is something you feel. I should also mention that if you feel it… it’s bloody exhausting. Because when you feel it, you are up against yourself with no end in sight. You are constantly trying to prove yourself, constantly trying to work harder, never giving yourself credit or allowing yourself to just accept what is.
OK, so now that you understand this a little bit more, you’re probably wondering what the hell you can do about it, right?
Start by asking yourself a few questions:
Who do you envy? I often ask my clients who they envy and why. This helps us get at what they value and what they really want out of life. If we can identify those things, we can build a specific plan together to bring more of this into your life. The more we focus on what we truly value and are intentional about building a life/job that honors that, the more charged and resonant our path forward will be. And funny enough, by focusing on someone else in answering this question, you’re quickly prompted to pivot to yourself and identify what you really want. It goes from being outward facing to 100% focused on you. How does this help solve anything?
This exercise can help you identify whether your imposter syndrome is actually trying to tell you that you’re not actually meant to be doing what you’re doing. Does this align with your values? Is the person you envy someone higher up in your org or is it actually someone with an entirely different mission and set of values? It may be the signal you need to tell you that you’re on a mission or in a tribe that is just not meant for you. You are meant for something different.
What would your mother or a close loved one tell you? Would they tell you that you’re actually doing amazing, baby — don’t stop! Be confident! Or would they tell you that you’re actually meant to re-think this. Could you take a different approach? Is there something else to consider?
This exercise immediately pivots you out of your own cloudy perspective and into that of someone who loves you, knows you well, and isn’t attached to some other version of your life you might currently be attached to. By going here, we can think more rationally and clearly about what’s true and from a place of love (vs the stories our inner saboteurs might be telling us).
What would it look like if it was as good as it could get? Would you take a huge leap, get a promotion, go through a leadership training, get more money? Or would your manager dramatically change their perspective on you, maybe your teammates would suddenly see or treat you differently?
By answering this question, you’re held accountable to get the hell out of the swirl for a minute and actually look at what you want to change. What’s possible? The follow up question might be: “And how do I feel now?” By answering this question, you may find new perspective or get a clearer handle on the source of this imposter syndrome. For example, does it vanish, or does it float elsewhere / into this new chapter?
Sometimes imposter syndrome can actually awaken you to what is not meant for you. Other times it’s there because of societal norms, perfectionist complexes, you name it. It has many faces, that’s what’s so complex about it. Sometimes it has real purpose and sometimes it just needs to be named and tamed. Mental fitness is your best friend here. And man, what a powerful friend it can be. :)
