Do the thing before you know how to.

I love this quote from Van Gogh: “I am always doing what I can't do yet in order to learn how to do it.”

It gets at the simple truth that no one ever thought, dreamt or researched their way into a new skill or a different way of living. They acted their way there.

Clients often come to me with a dream they’ve been dreaming, or a change they’ve been thinking of making, and I remind them of this:

Making a leap of faith is hard. It doesn’t happen over night. And you have to do it before you feel ready. So often the things that are best for us are hardest. It’s hard to get out of bed early and go to the gym. It’s hard to sign up for and invest in a coach. It’s hard to have difficult conversations. It’s hard to go on stage and perform. Or learn a new skill. It’s hard. It’s bloody hard. But how often do you go to the gym and remark on how damn good you feel afterwards, or celebrate the feeling that comes after a difficult conversation with your boss or partner? How often do you feel the rush and happiness of your accomplishment after getting out there and just doing it?

You get the idea.

So often the best, most fulfilling feelings come immediately after that thing. The thing you said you couldn’t do, but needed to do in able to learn how. It’s not only moments of growth that are proceeded by courage, but also moments of true happiness and pride. And the more you do the hard thing, the easier it becomes. The more confident you feel. In fact, if you “fail” you’re actually likely to learn even more than if you didn’t.

This is why people come to me feeling “stuck.” It’s why people find it so hard to change their lives. Change their job. Change their relationship. Make a move. Because of all the challenge that comes first. They are too fearful to overcome it. Or don’t feel “ready.”

So much of my coaching work lives in a clients values — and for this very reason. If you have a true sense of your values, it becomes much easier to make challenging decisions that are in alignment with what you actually care about / need / value. Sure, it’s still hard, but it becomes undeniable when something is the right thing to do or it is worth overcoming. When you leverage a clients values as the foundation for their house, it gives them a stronger sense of purpose and more agency to make decisions around those values. It’s all in service of helping them understand that they are the orchestrator of their life. They are the designer.

The fear of the unknown or the challenging thing will always be there [I promise]. But if we can instill confidence and resourcefulness in our people that is deeply founded in their values, this can be a Northstar for them. This is where coaching is really not about solving a problem for the client but instead about growing the client to overcome these challenges ahead.